Autumn Love: Arrangements for the Older Couple

While it may not be now on today’s top 40 list of songs, one great American standard truly resonates with older people.  The song, recorded by many, including Frank Sinatra, is called “The Second Time Around.”  The lyrics go like this:
Love is lovelier the second time around Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground It’s that second time you hear your love song sung Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young Love’s more comfortable the second time you fall Like a friendly home the second time you call Who can say what brought us to this miracle we’ve found?There are those who’ll bet love comes but once, and yet I’m oh, so glad we met the second time around.

How wonderful!  But as is true with many things, consideration of the practical is also an important aspect of maintaining, as the song says, “this miracle.”  Older people who have acquired experience and hopefully wisdom while on life’s journey can certainly understand this.

To that end, it is important for older couples to think carefully about arrangements that they may choose to make in establishing a household with another in later life.  For some, marriage is appropriate, while others may prefer a domestic partnership arrangement or a situation where each maintains his or her separate residence, sharing only in certain assets and liabilities.  There is not necessarily a perfect right or wrong answer.  In new situations where issues are not fully resolved, a mediator can help sort out the approach best suited for the couple.  Clarification of expectations and avoidance of conflict can also be achieved  and may  support the relationship by defining the parameters of each member of the couple.  Articulating one’s wishes honestly and competently will do much to promote love, the second time around.