by Jeff Callaway | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
As we mature, all of us eventually come to know that loss from the death of a loved one is inevitable. While we can know that death is truly one of the difficult “facts of life,” managing this loss can be a complicated experience. This complexity frequently occurs in dealing with the “business” of death: the winding up of the decedent’s affairs and the distribution of the decedent’s property. A person who dies without a will or trust and may be classified as intestate. In such situations, the law sets out a plan for the distribution of the decedent’s property. And even in situations where a person does prepare documents that articulate specific wishes about the distribution of his or her property, there may be questions about the validity or clarity of the documents, the appointment of the personal representative (also referred to as the executor), or the value of the decedent’s property. Aside from these particular concerns, it is not uncommon following the death of a loved one to see a triggering of many emotions, including the revival of old grievances, resentments, and rivalries. There may be differences among family members on the actual disposition of the decedent’s remains. Surprises may also be uncovered such as the discovery of children of the decedent who were previously unknown to members of the family. With this in mind, courts have begun to refer parties in estate disputes to mediation. The mediation process can be especially effective in helping the parties deal with grief, while at the same time, helping the parties focus attention on the orderly management of the decedent’s...
by Jeff Callaway | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
While it may not be now on today’s top 40 list of songs, one great American standard truly resonates with older people. The song, recorded by many, including Frank Sinatra, is called “The Second Time Around.” The lyrics go like this: Love is lovelier the second time around Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground It’s that second time you hear your love song sung Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young Love’s more comfortable the second time you fall Like a friendly home the second time you call Who can say what brought us to this miracle we’ve found? There are those who’ll bet love comes but once, and yet I’m oh, so glad we met the second time around. How wonderful! But as is true with many things, consideration of the practical is also an important aspect of maintaining, as the song says, “this miracle.” Older people who have acquired experience and hopefully wisdom while on life’s journey can certainly understand this. To that end, it is important for older couples to think carefully about arrangements that they may choose to make in establishing a household with another in later life. For some, marriage is appropriate, while others may prefer a domestic partnership arrangement or a situation where each maintains his or her separate residence, sharing only in certain assets and liabilities. There is not necessarily a perfect right or wrong answer. In new situations where issues are not fully resolved, a mediator can help sort out the approach best suited for the couple. Clarification of expectations and avoidance...
by Jeff Callaway | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
Creating a sustainable and healthy plan for your children is a challenging exercise. When discussing the options available to your family, it is helpful to consider these factors: The needs of your children and their particular temperaments Current and previous arrangements to care for your children Health, educational or religious concerns Safety concerns Appropriate scheduling arrangements for all family members Maintaining connections with immediate and extended family members and friends Communicating with the other parent and your children to explain arrangements in the future Fortunately, there are multiple resources that parents can use to assist them in creating a parenting plan. One of the most helpful resources has been developed by the Maryland Judiciary, the Maryland Parenting Tool which you can find under the Resource heading of this website. [guide reader to resource page of website] This document outlines the many decisions that parents must make in caring for their children and, significantly, addresses how parents are going to make these decisions. Note, however, that while the Maryland Parenting Tool is a template that provides parents with a helpful starting point, every family is different. Customization of the template may be critical to creating a successful plan. During the course of a mediation, many people can effectively work their way through the Maryland Parenting Plan Tool. By assessing behaviors that have worked and not worked well in the past, through mediation parents can make a new beginning and reduce the likelihood of conflict in the...
by Jeff Callaway | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
No matter how long spouses have lived apart, no matter what the financial arrangement between spouses is, and no matter if spouses interact with one another or lead completely separate lives, a married couple cannot be legally divorced without an order from a court. At a minimum, to obtain a legal divorce, one spouse must initiate a divorce action by filing a complaint in court alleging specific facts to meet certain statutory requirements and must subsequently prove his or her case before a judicial official. While a legal divorce requires certain action by the court, the manner in which divorce litigation proceeds is greatly influenced by the behavior of the parties. Most people seek an “amicable” divorce, but the legal way of framing this procedure is either as a “contested” or an “uncontested” divorce. Interestingly, the overwhelming majority of family law cases settle before a judge has to make a decision. In cases with protracted litigation, a judge’s decision may be the only way a case can resolve. With this in mind, it is important to understand how the “emotional divorce” and the “financial divorce” affect the “legal divorce.” The likelihood of a procedurally simple legal divorce is greatly enhanced if parties make the effort to work through emotional and financial issues ahead of a formal filing with the court. In particular, a comprehensive and clearly written marital settlement agreement that is reached by the parties can serve as a map to remind the parties of their obligations to one another and to their children. Mediation is a respectful process that can help divorcing couples work their way through...
by Jeff Callaway | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
Generally speaking, there are three interrelated aspects of divorce: the emotional divorce, the financial divorce, and the legal divorce. While each phase of the divorce process has its distinct characteristics, for many people it is usually the financial aspect of divorce that provokes the greatest anxiety. Transitioning from one household of composed of two adults to two households composed of one adult in each household can be a major undertaking that may require a new evaluation of income and expenses, along with an overview of assets and liabilities. This anxiety is typically enhanced when children are involved in the re-organization of the family. It is not unusual for people to panic when facing this situation. While panic may be an understandable reaction to the prospect of divorce, cool and calm collection of information while facing a new financial situation is an effective way to reduce anxiety and prepare for a new living situation. To the extent possible, it is a good idea to become a bookkeeper and become well informed about recurring monthly expenses. Many people simply do not know with great precision where they spend their money or how to budget effectively. To become more aware of spending habits, it is very useful to do something as simple as keeping receipts in an envelope each month for each and every item that is purchased (including coffees at Starbucks!). In this way, an accurate picture can emerge. Similarly, it is important to know sources of income which can typically be determined by reviewing pay stubs, tax returns, or attachments to tax returns such as a W-2 form or 1099 form. The financial picture is not complete by focusing...
by Jeff Callaway | Aug 8, 2023 | Uncategorized
At the start of the new year or a new season, it is common for many of us to face the challenge of an unknown future while reflecting on our experiences of the past. This is especially true as we contemplate our choices about the structure of our families. For most people, the decision to remain in a marriage or to disengage from a marital relationship is a radical change that may promote serious anxiety. To address the anxiety that comes from this uncertainty, I have found it useful to consider three intertwined yet distinct aspects of divorce: the emotional divorce, the financial divorce, and the legal divorce. As I have come to understand it, an emotional divorce occurs when a spouse truly realizes that there is nothing more that can be done to ameliorate the unhappiness that he or she feels in relation to the marriage. This unhappiness can be manifested in many ways: constant bickering, stony silences, or eruptions in physical violence. Typically, at the root of this unhappiness is a profound difference in basic values held by each spouse. An emotional divorce often – although not always – precedes a financial and legal divorce which I will discuss in other articles. Thinking about the signs of a healthy relationship may be useful in determining whether or not a spouse believes an emotional divorce is either happening or has occurred. Here is a brief– and non-exhaustive – list of some elements that mental health professionals suggest are signs of a healthy relationship between spouses:• Sensitivity to the feelings of the spouse; • Respect for the spouse’s opinions and...
